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Trumping Triviality
Jan. 27th, 2009 12:18 amI watched a movie tonight. Usually, I avoid movies that I know will have emotional climaxes of the serious kind. Today, I was sucked in before I realized, and then I didn't care. It was Good Will Hunting, by the way. It's about a kid from South Boston who's a genius. He grew up in a horrible situation, orphaned early, had abusive foster parents, and at twenty has a rap sheet longer than my arm. He works at MIT as a janitor. One day, he solves a difficult math theorem, or proves it, as they say, and that sets off a whole chain of events. This guy, he's super smart. He doesn't think quite like the rest of humanity. But, he still is human. He shuts people out so they can't abandon him, excepting his three best friends who are his family. Over the course of the movie, he enters therapy, and learns, slowly, to understand that keeping people out is not a good thing. And, that his past is not his fault.
Really, the entire movie, is all about those two things.
I felt great resonance with this character. Mom has always called me a genius. I've always felt that I've been a step behind or beyond or just out of step with the rest of humanity, excepting my closest family. Even then, some periods just weren't fun. I'm in therapy now. I won't bore you with why I started in the first place, but I've been learning extremely similar lessons. I'm fracking afraid of people. I have my reasons, most of them don't stand up to the light, but one is the main reason most people avoid intimacy: rejection. It's a roadblock that I've not felt ready to overcome, yet. As I type this I really want to.
Don't get me wrong, I've made a lot of progress. I can maintain stability in my studies; I have a job now, which used to scare me senseless. I've studied abroad, and looked at grad schools seriously. I think about a lot of things in life differently than I used to because I talked about it with someone.
There is a high turnover rate of the psychologists at TU. They're grad students for the most part, so I've talked with four people over the past three years. If there is one lesson I've learned on my own, it is that change can be positive. My current guy: Jacob, I've only met twice with him. I think he's going to be good for me. I like people who can motivate me (or just give me permission to do what I want to do).
I was going to talk about how this week is going to go well, despite classes being canceled tomorrow, my lack of practicing, and the ice storm. I guess internal revelation trumps triviality. By the way, my younger sister, Victoria, prompted this. She posted on MySpace about her life coming full circle, and how she sees things a bit differently, now. So, thanks, girl.
Greeny
Really, the entire movie, is all about those two things.
I felt great resonance with this character. Mom has always called me a genius. I've always felt that I've been a step behind or beyond or just out of step with the rest of humanity, excepting my closest family. Even then, some periods just weren't fun. I'm in therapy now. I won't bore you with why I started in the first place, but I've been learning extremely similar lessons. I'm fracking afraid of people. I have my reasons, most of them don't stand up to the light, but one is the main reason most people avoid intimacy: rejection. It's a roadblock that I've not felt ready to overcome, yet. As I type this I really want to.
Don't get me wrong, I've made a lot of progress. I can maintain stability in my studies; I have a job now, which used to scare me senseless. I've studied abroad, and looked at grad schools seriously. I think about a lot of things in life differently than I used to because I talked about it with someone.
There is a high turnover rate of the psychologists at TU. They're grad students for the most part, so I've talked with four people over the past three years. If there is one lesson I've learned on my own, it is that change can be positive. My current guy: Jacob, I've only met twice with him. I think he's going to be good for me. I like people who can motivate me (or just give me permission to do what I want to do).
I was going to talk about how this week is going to go well, despite classes being canceled tomorrow, my lack of practicing, and the ice storm. I guess internal revelation trumps triviality. By the way, my younger sister, Victoria, prompted this. She posted on MySpace about her life coming full circle, and how she sees things a bit differently, now. So, thanks, girl.
Greeny
