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I really like how taking off the "It's" of the title affects the meaning. Being self-important is one of my many past-times. Right now, I should be working on accounts for my dad. This is me distracting myself because I've been "good". Finally, I've sent out requests to my former teachers about grad school recommendations. So far I have two "yes"-es. (It's incredibly difficult to make a plural yes in quotes, wow.) It has relieved my mind considerably about actually getting into grad school. I hope I can do it all within the time frame (basically, everything is due in mid-January). It just might happen. Next: getting transcripts, filling out apps, making sure they have my GRE scores, and sending it all away.

The gloves I started for a band mate of mine are finished, as of today. They're fingerless, large, and black with green stripes. All wool, too. Wool is easy to work with if it's of decent value. Otherwise, there's all sorts of crap one needs to overlook or get rid of in order to craft with it. Next, I'm making a scarf of many colors. A friend of mine at school had this scarf that her mother had made, and I just found out what the yarn was yesterday. I managed to buy some in a ridiculously wonderful almost-rainbow colorway. See all the adjectives and adverbs? Looking at it makes me happy. Since the Scarf of Many Colors will be boring as heck to make (knit nearly all the way, baby), I'm going to start another, harder project soon. I'm thinking a lacey cowl out some bamboo/silk blend yarn I bought after working on my sister's gift scarf. I really like silk. Hopefully bamboo isn't too weird.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My family will be opening presents (we're impatient people) and enjoying each others company a bit. I'm sure there will be at least a little snark, but that is what makes life interesting.

Until next time,
Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
I really don't like where I'm living now. I'm getting ready to leave and - Wow, we interrupt this regularly scheduled rant to bring you breaking news: I'm in a bad mood. The bad mood affects how I see life. I enjoy where I live right now pretty well, actually. Where I used to live, on the other hand, I hated with a spectacular passion that I had to suppress until I moved or I would have been very depressed. My city is a good one. Not too large, not so small that I can get across it in thirty minutes. Something new can be found every day. I'm also so tired I mis-spelled at least ten of the last twenty words.

The reason I'm in a bad mood, you ask? I've been sick since Monday. Steadily improving, I think, but my energy is low and my voice is a third or so lower. Also, my older sister and her fiance are in town. Family. Gotta love it. There's been a lot of ups and downs. I'm so tired that I want to stay in, but I feel guilty that I'm not spending time with family. Then again, they surprised us with the timing of the visit (nine days before Christmas), and the scarf had to be speed-knit. (It's done! By the way, and absolutely gorgeous.) Perhaps the resentment can cancel out the guilt. I really want to see her face when she opens it, though. That may make up for a lot. Uh-oh, I sense high expectations. Large chance of disappointment, abort, abort!

I've practiced violin very consistently over the past four to seven days. I haven't been counting so much as thinking that I should practice every day. Empowerment from working out with Mom? I have time, I might as well. Also, I don't have time, graduate school deadlines loom.

I hate the looming, I really do. It scares me and makes me want to run for cover instead of getting my ducks into line. I just want it to be finished already. Circle of procrastination alert. I wait, which makes me nervous, which makes me wait more, which makes me panic, which either makes me wait until next year, or (I think) try to get everything in and do a bad job of it, so I wait.  It's a bad cycle. I have to see things as nonthreatening in order to start, but urgent enough to actually get it done. Getting applications in just isn't that way. It's threatening. You are opening yourself to criticism and rejection by sending it. You are trying to change your life by doing it. It's significant. I can't see it any other way. The solution, I suppose, is to gird oneself for the inevitable. Be fearless. What could happen? It's paper. If they say yes, you can always say no. But you really want them to say yes. !%$#. However, acting confident, ever if you aren't, usually leads to good things. I learned that from my violin teacher. Play loud and fast, and sometimes (usually after lots of practice) everything just gets better.

I want to thank the English language and the written expression of it for allowing this rant to happen. Until next time, kiddies.

Greeny
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Today is my birthday, I'm 22 years old/young/whatever. It's not such a big deal. I'm thinking that my 25th will be a big party; what else is the first fourth of your life for? But for today, I'm just acting my usual semi-social, haphazardly planning self.

Somewhere in my brain, I am constantly subverting tradition. This is at least partially because I'm number two of five children. Being just the same as everyone else makes me cringe. Thus, you have me ordering different food at restaurants than my family, a virgin pina colada on my 21st, and getting a birthday pie today. I fully intended to buy my usual ice cream cake, but when we got to the store the pie was right there, and I couldn't help myself. (I got French Silk pie and a cheesecake sampler) It's going to be so good.

I know already what half my presents are, and am looking forward to the rest. This year was better (and worse) than many. That is how it seems to go, huh? The higher the highs, the lower the lows. Balance is inherent in many things. My favorite thing about the past month was being with my parents, talking with them one on one, no real distractions. It made me feel special.

While I'm rambling on, I may as well mention a conversation my brother and I had. We were coming home from the airport, and were talking about age. He mentioned that he felt he stopped maturing at 14, and that is was scary that so many people treat him as an adult. I've also heard this sentiment on XKCD.com (very funny, overly educated snarky cartoons, try it!). Here:



I don't really feel that way. I often feel that people treat me as more mature than I am, but I'm constantly experiencing new things and learning from them. Maybe the difference is that I haven't given up on maturity yet, and I'm willing to redefine it as I go. People treating you as mature is not necessarily a bad thing. Conforming to the expectations of others is a normal thing for many. The best example of that for me is the orchestra here in town that I've played with (remember that week?). At school we were all more or less the same level, and slacking off is a way of life for many a student. However, in a professional orchestra the expectation and, consequently, the level of performance is higher. When I play with them I feel elevated, made better by the good performances of the people around me.

That was probably enough thoughtfulness for today, here's some knitting!



This is the baby thing (my younger brother decided it looked like a mini skirt) at about 13 inches. The curly bit at the bottom? That's where the drawstring holes are. (That's also my shoe at the very bottom, just noticed that). It's gotten even bigger since then, I'm currently reading about 18 inches, and am aiming for 21.5 in. before I start the armholes. Wish me luck!

Until next time,
Greeny

deepgreen18: (Default)
This week has been a good one. Compared to last week, it was glorious. I slept almost enough, I ate enough. Hormones didn't bother me badly, and, best of all, I have a NEW standmate. His name is Chris, and we talk like normal people. Tension between us is basically non-existent. It is truly amazing how much better life is when you don't have to focus on a person you dislike, or even ignoring a person you don't like.

This feeling of well-being creeps over me as I walk back to the dorms from rehearsals or meals. The only thing wrong with life right now is my recurring obsessiveness towards fanfiction. I got fed up with reading more fanfiction staying inside today, so I finally sent my three library books home via UPS, got more quarters for the hungry laundry machines downstairs, and am currently supposed to be practicing while my laundry happily splashes about. The best thing about rolls of quarters is looking for my last ones to complete my state set. I found an Alaska today, but can't remember if I need a Hawaii, instead. I've also found District of Columbia and Guam quarters, which came out this year. They are sparer in design next to state quarters but pretty enough to keep.

The knitting, as always, is in my thoughts, but rarely in my hands. I've managed a few rows since last time. Mandatory meetings are good for something after all. Who knew?

Finally, I leave you with a Lolcats comic that caught my fancy (and it reminds me of a few people here at the camp):

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

deepgreen18: (Default)
However, it is below freezing in this loverly Midwest part of the country. There was ice on the roads in the middle of the day. I almost missed band practice because of the whole going to church part of the day got skipped, but all turned out fine. The girls that I went to Twilight with (daughters of our keyboard player/singer and drummer) got me the movie poster with the star of Twilight on it as a Christmas gift. Crazy, huh? I've never gotten a movie poster before. Everyone here is getting into the Christmas thing. It's kind of fun, all things considered. I really need to go and buy my gifts.
In other news, I finished the seaming of the afghan rather quickly (while watching 4 episodes of Sanctuary). So quickly, in fact, that I'm knitting the border, starting...well...7pm today. TV makes it all go so much faster. This is my first knitted border on the largest object I have made. It's surprisingly easy and slightly boring. I should manage to get it completely done in two more days. After almost two months of dedicated effort, I may not knit for a day or two. That, or I'm so used to doing something every day I'll start a new project.
The TV watching is not coincidental to the fact that I'm home for the holidays. The apartment has been abandoned for the next three weeks. I'm happy to have a rest.
Have I ever said how interesting Rock Band is? It's an X-Box game, for those who don't know. It's basically playing fake instruments on popular rock songs of the past two or three (or four) decades. My brothers have gotten very good, scary good, on the drums. I'm an occasional player who doesn't go past the medium difficulty setting.

I should go and finish that border now.
Greene

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