deepgreen18

It's amazing how much difference a full night of sleep changes your perspective. I've been on the edge for the past few days, but today was so much better. Also, getting through Music History and Theory tests with as much or more proficiency than I was granting myself earlier was a nice surprise.

I'm trying to organize my life now. Which internet provider should I choose? Where are the clubs I want to join? I didn't do this when I went to my undergraduate college, and I'm surprised how easy it is when you have a chosen direction. So far: I've found a knit/crochet group, an equestrian place (I was looking for a hiking/appreciate nature group, but this sounds interesting, too), and just now I found my quiet place. If I was given a guess, it wouldn't have been the off-campus rec room. Life is funny like that, sometimes. I still need a good library.

Knitting has been up and down really wildly in the past week. I was kinda, sorta doing about an inch per day before I left. Actually, it was more like 2-4 rows per day. I was stuck on the heel for six days. Once we got on the road to Ohio, though, I sailed through five inches in two days. Then I was knitting a few inches during Monday and Tuesday because the orientation classes were fairly boring. Today was all testing, so nothing has been done yet. I only have the toe of the second sock left, in fact. I may get to it tonight. I really need to practice violin and prepare for tomorrow, though.

I have no clue what I'm going to do once classes start. Probably go on as I've done before. One thing I remember from my many orientation things is that "study habits from undergraduate studies will greatly impact the habits of graduate students". I hope it doesn't hold true for me in a few things, like waiting too long to start a paper, or only practicing at night. I'm watching for it, so maybe I'll catch it early.

This is the first time I've been truly away from home and on my own. Vienna was more a case of "can she survive for six weeks?". This is two years. I have a feeling I will really appreciate my family visits.

Until next time,
Greeny

 

I have 26 days before I leave for Ohio.

My former roomie is visiting for the next two days, she got here yesterday. It's so strange: in the four years we lived together we didn't explore much outside our apartment or the campus. We almost never tried new restaurants, or went clubbing. We did go to a few bars, but that was more a band thing than anything else. Suddenly, she's here and we decide to go out at 9pm at night. It was fun, we went down to the Riverwalk, listened to the bands, and had some really good dark chocolate fondue. We're planning on going to the capital tomorrow, and we may stay up there until the next day. I guess this is a last fling before she gets married. Did I announce my roomie is engaged? She is, and I'm a bridesmaid. It's very exciting; I've never been a bridesmaid before.

I'm working on a sock, at present. It's very close to done, but I doubt it will get there before Tuesday. Alas. I've been making very good progress on it, too. About an inch a day, which is really good when it takes 14 rows to get an inch (that's a lot).

After my roomie got here yesterday, we went to a movie: Despicable Me. It was alright, nothing to rave over. I expected it to be funnier, maybe a little more adult, but it mostly stuck with kids jokes and themes.

Just to inform the non-existent readership, I'm planning on posting something every day until I leave. Why? I'm sentimental like that? I don't know. Now the something could be anything: a picture, a limerick, a fanfiction of my own creation, a song. Hopefully I can do this, I think it'll be fun.

Until tomorrow,
Greeny

It's been so long since I posted last that I am overwhelmed by the sheer number of things I "should" write about. However, should means nothing here.

I've been knitting/crocheting a lot lately. I made two pairs of purple Mary Janes most recently. They are unusual because they are outside shoes, the soles are made from jute, from which I've made a welcome mat from before, and I had to buy the pattern, a first for me. One pair was for me, and the other for a new friend of mine who shares my name. They are very cute and fairly comfortable, but I'm picky about what shoes I wear.

Other projects have been doll scarves (once again inspired by the new friend. She's a doll collector.), doilies (more on that later), and a cardigan. The cardigan isn't done yet, since I stalled on it a few weeks back. I have everything I need to complete it: buttons, yarn, a plan; but the motivation left me at that point. Almost all the other projects I started in order to avoid it are finished, so I'll probably be going back to it soon.

I started a dress for the Renaissance Faire a few weeks ago, but I couldn't finish in time to actually wear it to the event. It's still "unfinished" and a bit too small, as well. There is a big story behind that, but I don't feel like telling it today. Hopefully, I'll finish a dress that fits me by the 21st of the month. My band is playing a Ren Faire-themed party then.

I am still teaching about fifteen students, but I've had three leave from moving away or losing interest, and the look of my schedule is changing due to summer arriving. I feel a slight twinge of "I hate change" every time the seasons switch and my schedule is rearranged.

However, summer has freed up my own teacher and I've been having regular lessons once again. Practicing, and thinking about practicing (two things that go hand in hand) is becoming habitual once more. I'm not going to be going to a music camp this summer, and I'm glad for it. I need all my energy to get ready for graduate school.

I'll also be beginning tutoring for Music Theory and History very soon. Taking it, not giving it, to be clear. That is also in preparation for grad school. There will be an entrance exam. If I don't pass it, there will be remedial classes. Ew.

My family has attended several events over the past two months. On Mother's Day we went to see my maternal grandmothers. I promised to make my great-grandmother ten 3-inch doilies during our visit, and I finished them a week ago. Now, I just have to go give them to her. I'm bad at finding time for it, unfortunately. I will, though. The doilies aren't doing me any good sitting there.

Our second event was Memorial Day. We went to Illinois to see my paternal side of the family. They were very interested in where I was going to go to school. Turns out one of my uncles lives in Ohio, about three hours from where my school is. It will be nice to go visit them when I have a weekend off. Mother also approved; she said it made her heart easier. We're looking at apartments in my town right now. I've picked one out, and we just have to call on it.

Goodness, I'm worn out. Typing isn't as easy as it was after a two month break. I'll be back, hopefully sooner than last time. I want to say I'll get in a regular schedule of posting to prepare for grad school, but summer isn't always interesting, you know? I'll likely begin posting again once I've moved in August. Can't have Mother get too lonely without me.

Until then,
Deepgreen(y)

The past couple of months have been very strange for me. I acted in a way that increased my stress levels to almost unbearable heights. Finally, after all the college application stuff was over, I started to act and feel better. This week I reverted. It didn't stress me out near as much as before, because I have neither as many nor important deadlines as compared to earlier. I wondered, a lot, actually, during that phase why I was doing such things. It just doesn't make much sense to work against yourself, you know? In the end, I've decided to dissect it here. Hopefully this will clear it up.

1: I don't have a full schedule that requires more than just showing up each week. Thus, I've not really set out daily schedules for myself or even thought of the future much. Just followed my default programming. This leads to staying up too late, being late to work, forgetting appointments, and a general feeling of can't/won't do it, because I don't have to, and if I don't have to do something, I generally won't.

2: I got confused about the order of task + reward = reinforcement. Reading, watching TV/anime, and knitting are my rewards, and I did them before I did the necessary tasks of the day, thus reinforcing not working. I love the fact that my psychology class has benefited me in more than just my knowledge base.

It was such a relief to realize this stuff, and, even better, apply it. I was happier, healthier, and overall more positive in outlook. It's always better to be active. Perhaps I should compile a list of my "It's always better...s", Write them out, print them, keep them up where I can see them. For me, it's always better to be constantly reminded in writing.

I have two other things to say: I was fully accepted to Bowling Green State University as of yesterday. It's making me smile quite I bit. I was also denied at Kansas, but no great loss there. Only one other place to hear from.

My sock has been steadily getting bigger since last time. I turned the heel yesterday (turning heels is so fun) and got the instep decreases and some of the foot done today. Another 4-5 days at my default pace (14 rows a day), and I'll be done with my second pair of socks. I can't wait.

Greeny

It amazes me what the simple passage of time brings. Deadlines pass, people grow up, learn more, get healthier or feel poorly, and most of all: people move. Movement is a requirement to life, it seems. Everyone has to breathe.

More than that, people change location. Whether they crawl, walk, run, or fly; people go different places, and affect others because of it. My most recent teacher of crochet and knitting, Kate, just moved away to Ohio. Because of this, I'm helping run a knitting group. I hadn't put it in those terms before, but that's what I'm doing. I'm teaching others how to knit and crochet, sending out e-mails to remind people that we are meeting, even planning how to best entice people to keep going once they've started. When people pass on (in one way or another), their responsibilities fall to others. It makes me wonder who will step in and teach once I'm gone. Maybe I'll get to meet him/her.

I haven't given ya'll news on what I'm knitting recently, have I? Right now (and for the past three weeks) I've been slowly making a cowl out of a lovely coral-colored silk-bamboo yarn (my younger brother keeps calling it a scowl). The pattern is very simple, only two stitches, but seems complicated because of it's arrangement of aforementioned motions. The most unexpected thing about the entire thing is that this pattern is the only one my teacher ever asked for a copy of. The last meeting we have together, and she does that. It was a sweet moment.

I keep coming back to her, so I may as well address this to her. Kate, fare well in Ohio, we all will miss you.

Until next time,
Greeny

I really don't like where I'm living now. I'm getting ready to leave and - Wow, we interrupt this regularly scheduled rant to bring you breaking news: I'm in a bad mood. The bad mood affects how I see life. I enjoy where I live right now pretty well, actually. Where I used to live, on the other hand, I hated with a spectacular passion that I had to suppress until I moved or I would have been very depressed. My city is a good one. Not too large, not so small that I can get across it in thirty minutes. Something new can be found every day. I'm also so tired I mis-spelled at least ten of the last twenty words.

The reason I'm in a bad mood, you ask? I've been sick since Monday. Steadily improving, I think, but my energy is low and my voice is a third or so lower. Also, my older sister and her fiance are in town. Family. Gotta love it. There's been a lot of ups and downs. I'm so tired that I want to stay in, but I feel guilty that I'm not spending time with family. Then again, they surprised us with the timing of the visit (nine days before Christmas), and the scarf had to be speed-knit. (It's done! By the way, and absolutely gorgeous.) Perhaps the resentment can cancel out the guilt. I really want to see her face when she opens it, though. That may make up for a lot. Uh-oh, I sense high expectations. Large chance of disappointment, abort, abort!

I've practiced violin very consistently over the past four to seven days. I haven't been counting so much as thinking that I should practice every day. Empowerment from working out with Mom? I have time, I might as well. Also, I don't have time, graduate school deadlines loom.

I hate the looming, I really do. It scares me and makes me want to run for cover instead of getting my ducks into line. I just want it to be finished already. Circle of procrastination alert. I wait, which makes me nervous, which makes me wait more, which makes me panic, which either makes me wait until next year, or (I think) try to get everything in and do a bad job of it, so I wait.  It's a bad cycle. I have to see things as nonthreatening in order to start, but urgent enough to actually get it done. Getting applications in just isn't that way. It's threatening. You are opening yourself to criticism and rejection by sending it. You are trying to change your life by doing it. It's significant. I can't see it any other way. The solution, I suppose, is to gird oneself for the inevitable. Be fearless. What could happen? It's paper. If they say yes, you can always say no. But you really want them to say yes. !%$#. However, acting confident, ever if you aren't, usually leads to good things. I learned that from my violin teacher. Play loud and fast, and sometimes (usually after lots of practice) everything just gets better.

I want to thank the English language and the written expression of it for allowing this rant to happen. Until next time, kiddies.

Greeny

I am very, very lucky to have a confrontation-avoiding family. We have drama, it just doesn't happen during the holidays. I have heard some fairly frightening stories from others in the past couple days, and this has made me truly, well, thankful that I come from a bunch of south-westerners. Not that our avoidance of public scenes is healthy all the time, but get-togethers don't end up in shouting, drunkenness, and general disorder.

Onto other, happier, topics. We went and visited our family today, as tradition demands. Copious amounts of meat, starches, well-doctored vegetables, and pie were consumed. We also fed the mass-media glut that often happens today by going to Blockbuster and renting a movie afterwards.

It was a rather quiet day, excluding our 2-3 hours of driving. I crocheted and knit during both trips, and managed to produce a man's ring of bamboo crochet thread (I was very pleased by the final result), and two inches of a gift scarf (new project alert!). I just realized, however, that producing six feet of the thing is going to require an audio-book. This is what got me through the afghan: a 23-hour sci-fi audio-book. Stephanie Meyer's The Host, in fact. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great, either, just a slightly unusually-set, overly complicated romance novel. I wonder what I'll come up with to listen to next.

I reorganized my room a bit the last few days. I have a bookshelf again! Being able to immediately fill three shelves full of books amused and alarmed me. I only started buying books four years ago! This does not bode well for my future storage needs. In the process of clearing space for my bookcase, I had to face my knitting and crochet collection. Another rubbermaid container was bought to store the yarn (embarrassed fidgeting commences), and I still need to buy an organizer for my knitting needles. I'm wondering how exactly I bought so much stuff without really noticing until now. General apathy plus a convenient stashing place equals not enough knowledge, I think.
I will be working on using the stash until it reaches a manageable size again, and I'm also finishing some old works-in-progress. I had two that just needed ends worked in (now basically finished), and I've got three that need sewing of zippers and lining. I think I'll bring out the sewing machine tomorrow, and finish the three.

Hope to talk to you all soon,
Greeny

Apparently, after a week, the update thingy saying how long it's been since you posted doesn't count days anymore. It just says "one week" until the next week goes by. Today it said "two weeks". That was somewhat startling when it happened. One day I'm doing my semi-normal thing of not posting for a week and the next I'm into unknown territory. This post is the result, so perhaps my readers (assuming there are any left) should vote on how long I should wait between posts?

Oddly enough, these past...two weeks...have been pretty interesting. Me and my youngest brother went on a shopping spree and saw a drum-off at Guitar Center (tm, I'm sure). We get along very well, my brother and I. Mainly it's because we have very similar interests. We both like classical music (that was a surprise, a very pleasant one), we both are dedicated hobbyists (I do TV and reading, he does online anime and manga), and our minds just work the same, meaning we can talk pretty easily.
The drum-off wasn't that great. It was the first of several, with the final coming up this week, so we didn't get to see the cream of the crop. However, I did buy a new cable for my electric violin, which was exciting for me. I hardly ever buy anything band-related.

I am inching forward on the knitting. Yes, I know I thought it would get done two weeks ago. I just haven't. This makes me a horribly efficient procrastinator. (One of my habits is to make my worst faults into something I can say cheerfully). So, I'm closer. The arms and neck are done. I've just got to do the ridiculously simple duplicate stitching to make the Taurus on the front. I've even practiced the stitch and everything, but it seems like the only time I knit is in knitting group (Thursdays, 12-2pm), and there is only so much one can get done in two hours.

Lastly, my family went down to Dallas last Friday in order to do a long put-off and eagerly awaited thing: have a wedding reception. Sounds odd, yes? My older sister and her fiance got married last year in May (the 24th, if ya'll were wondering), but....kept it secret. They didn't want the wedding itself to be a big deal because of finances. So there we were, happily helping her plan stuff out during their visit at Christmas when they decided to tell us about it. Now, how could we be upset, exactly? They did something good: getting married and saving money. My problem was the whole "lie for eight months" about it. I'm a pretty truthful person, or I try to be, and there is no way I would do something like that to my family. There wasn't much I could do about that seemed helpful, though, so I let it lie (or would that be lay?).

The party totally made up for everything.

I wasn't expecting to have so much fun, nor talk to so many people, nor dance with nearly everyone (part of the plan, more later), and I certainly didn't expect to get hit on. Most of all, I didn't expect to cry.

It seems like my best plans are made spur-of-the-moment, from going exploring in town to finding a movie to watch because of boredom. I made a plan right after I arrived at the party: 1) Dance with everyone who says 'yes'. 2) Eat anything and everything I want (stretchy dresses and wonderful hors deouvres go very well together). 3) Drink a modest amount of alcohol. And I did so. Parties bring out my fun side. Perhaps that's because I've never had a truly horrible experience at good parties. In any case, I see no reason not to enjoy myself as long as I don't make myself sick. The plan brought about the first four of my "wasn't expectings", which tells you how good a plan it was. My last one was because of another tradition: the father-daughter dance. There was my older sis, looking like the queen of the night in her very dark blue dress and up-do (she's never been one for white), and there was my dad, looking nearly the same as I've ever seen him (I envied adults in puberty for their unchanging physical attributes), dancing to "A Wonderful World", finally acknowledging something that happened a year-and-a-half ago. I'm sure there will be pictures, my aunt is a good photographer. I may keep one, it's a good memory.
Additionally, there was a mother-son dance, of which I approved in a slightly less emotional manner. It just seemed right. The whole party seemed right, correct, and needful, even. There was a void in our understanding of what my sister and her husband were until then. Being told they married is one thing, celebrating it was something else altogether.

Since then, life has gone back to normal, however much I wish to change it. At least we have a great party (one of my first) to remember.

Until next time,
Greene