deepgreen18: (kinda cool)
History, to me, or even reading about a particular experience, elevates it into something mystical, crazy difficult, unrelatable and unachievable. This feeling is a lie.

Human history was made by the acts of fellow human beings, something I am constantly made aware of in my Music History class. Mozart was a great virtuoso, yes, but he also traveled in horrid conditions, got sick, played string quartets for entertainment, rebelled against his father and employer, had money problems, oh, and along the way learned a lot about and composed many kinds of music.

We can do the things older generations have done. We DO do those things still. Mozart is still played today, for instance. On a more basic level: we speak, sing, teach each other, create art, observe religious practices, create stories, and make many, many things: food, medicine, clothing, shelter.

Sometimes I am amazed at how basic life is. I realized this while I was cooking, first. We only have three main types of food: proteins, fats, and carbohydrates. We only have so many types of meat, veggies, fruits, and grains. Liquids, at their most basic level, all derive from water.

The beauty of food (and any other human activity) is when we mix these ingredients together in new/different/old ways. We can go Spartan-ly simple (fried eggs with salt and pepper), or ridiculously complex (10 ingredient omelet). We can surprise ourselves and others when we take our traditions (which were, once upon a time, innovations) and tweak them just enough to get a new experience.

If we are dedicated to a skill, we are able take something basic to the human experience and turn it into an art.

This all lead me to a question that I really like: What skills do I want to become good at? Personally, a lot of things: Teaching, music, drawing and painting, dancing, cooking, knitting/crocheting, flying, understanding people, having sex, writing, and there will be more as time progresses. This is the essence of human life, I think. Gaining skills and sharing them with others.

What do you want to become good at? What are the basic ingredients of your art?
deepgreen18: (Default)
Hey everyone, (I will always assume that more than one person reads this, that's my Mother's overly positive influence working) I posted twice today. I don't think you can see it (it's in private mode), but this is an edited version of what I wrote in the other post. Despite my natural inclinations to pure bluntness, many years of my Mother's thoughtful and rather forceful influence have helped me realize when something is too much information. Sorry if I'm making you frustrated. I personally hate not getting all the possible information.

I've been told many things about myself. That I'm pretty today, or fat, or sharp-eared (good at hearing stuff), blunt, entertaining, memorable, unique, articulate. You know what? I don't care what you say. It may hurt or feel good temporarily, but in the end I decide how to feel about myself. I decide what adjectives to use when I introduce myself. I may forget that some days, but it's true.

So that is how I feel. Strangely I feel I must make some declaration of intent to remember this every day, but I try to be a realist (not a catastrophist, contortionist, or procrastinator), and I know with my little voice of truth inside that I will forget some days. It's called being human.

My night was pretty darn good. My day was pretty fine, as well. I tutored, turned in the infamous paper, bought milk, talked to my lady (last time with her, sadly), made biscuits, watched my other student play in a recital, and watched a movie and Roswell. Yeah, my life is very good. I have my health, sanity (so I believe, which makes it suspect, weirdly), self-respect, skill in music, free time, and family and friends. 

I saw the full moon tonight. I was driving down the road and...boom! I was right in front of me. God's gift of light artistically accented by this lazy, flat 'x' of contrails. Man can't improve on perfection, but maybe an imperfection here and there is also workable. It makes things approachable, more beautiful, somehow. What is an android to a beautiful lady?

I'm done, not with life or my relationships. Just this post.

See ya,
Greeny

deepgreen18: (Default)
Right now, and this is not full avoidance mode, I am playing around with Vista Print (business cards suddenly seem much more likely, but after saying that I'm doomed), and listening to a Kansas DVD. Did you know they use a violinist? I didn't until the drummer in my band lent the DVD to me. And they're musical! Sorry if I'm coming off as an uneducated 21-year-old, but that's me. Kansas sounds to me like a mix between John Tesh and a heavy rock band. I find it kind of sad that we've separated the genres, making rock as un-melodic as possible and Brickman or Tesh kinda wimpy.

Not much else happening, and that is how I want it. I've done my bit of HW reading, being on the computer is supposed to be conducive to getting Dad's stuff done, and practice will happen in an hour. I also went to a mini Renaissance Faire today. It was rather kid-oriented, but pretty fun. I went because the bassist in the band is also part of an acting troupe. Hmm...Band = Social life, apparently.

I'm going to go now. See ya'll.

Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
So...I have a mantra. It was not consciously chosen by the green one, nor do I seem to be able to get rid of it.

You wanna know? It's "I can't do this."

I'm not kidding, and I bet you believed me right off. This lovely phrase got started in my violin lessons (surprise!), I think. My teachers would ask me to do stuff I thought I couldn't, so I'd say "I can't do this" and then proceed to do it. Interesting.

Right now, I feel burnt out. I've been go, go, going for the past week? month? a while and it has taken its toll. I need to be outside, contemplating my deepest, silliest, where did that come from? thoughts. So, this weekend, I'm taking it slower. No rushing around. Two things a day, practice and homework. An hour of dad's stuff (I'm the official enterer of bank statements), and anything else I please.

Funny, I felt really stressed before I got on the computer, it has a calming effect. So does planning easy days.

My violin teacher (lovely lady) suggested today that perhaps I should take a year before entering graduate school to really polish my pieces for auditions, play in the local orchestra(s), get some experience. I've been having random but consistent thoughts about that. I don't think it would hurt anything. It might help. I don't know, it's not a decision to make lightly. I have until the end of the year to make it.

A lot about my playing and ways of thinking about music have been improved by my teacher. Another year? Might be worth it.

I'm out of steam, thoughts, and platitudes.
Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
Having a social life is really interesting. You get to do stuff you never imagined would happen. Like today, a friend of mine, Andrew, came over. He lives a town away, and works a lot, so we see each other fairly rarely. He used to attend my University, but dropped out to work. Therefore, he had a whole different set of friends than me that he wanted to catch up on. We ended up going grocery shopping for chili with one of them. I met two very nice people with rather odd names. One who has a 1851 Singer sewing machine. It was beautiful. (Anyone who knows me well knows I have sewn various things, and would like to do it again). The funniest thing about this trip was the trip. The car we took was on the verge of losing its muffler. So we heard, throughout the trip, a semi-regular banging as it bounced off the ground. Everyone couldn't help but laugh, and predict when it was going to fall off.

To life: Have I told you, lately, that I love you?

There is plenty to read around here, school and pleasure reading both. (Redundancy, again, don't you love it?) I need to get cracking on it, and practice for Orchestra. Our concert is coming soon.

Until the next,
Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
Today I played Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring whilst a very smart-in-the-romance-department man proposed to his girlfriend, now fiancee. God, I got such a buzz out of it. Beautiful park, beautiful music, beautiful people getting engaged. I ask again, how did my life get this cool? There is just no telling what will happen when you get a job doing something you like with a boss who likes to network. I now want to make business cards up, and other professional things. I probably won't, this urge is usually very quick to pass, but it is a good idea.

So, the incredible buzz from the proposal (that is how the man is indexed in my phone: proposal guy) bled over into the lesson I taught. which was great. I got my little student excited about her playing and she talked more than usual (she's a quiet one). Then there was the obligatory freaking out over the paper due tomorrow. I'm getting there, it would go faster if I was writing it and not this. Before now, but after the obligatory freaking out, there was band, which I have already posted about. We are doing our second show, but first real thing on Halloween. Really, the coolness factor? Above and beyond expectation.

And yes, I really do think that sleep deprivation leads to me posting stuff. I don't know why, maybe it's a Vienna flashback. Hmmm....

One last thing, I really, truly started my grad school search. Went and looked at and deleted 15 of those suckers off fastweb. God, thanks for the life, I'm loving it dearly.

See ya soon,
Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
I have a few things to talk about today. I read a book, finished it last night, in fact. It's called Little Brother. All about what might happen if we just kept going with the security vs. Bill of Rights craziness we have now. I feel almost scarred by reading it. It was well-written, a very thoughtful story, and the main things I take away from it are: 1) No matter what your cause, giving up doesn't work. Keep pounding away at a problem, attack it from every angle. That is how you win.
2) At the very last, I read the words "Surveillence doesn't give us security, privacy does." I'm paraphrasing, but that really made me think, "Why?" My answer is: security is about knowing that you are safe. To know that you are safe, you have to trust someone or something. People mostly trust locks or cameras to keep the bad guys out. It isn't really that effective against knowledgable and determined thieves or murderers, but that is what we trust. It used to be (and maybe it still is) in smaller towns/neighborhoods that people trusted their neighbors. They knew and trusted other people not to steal from them or kill them, and even to warn them of potential threats. Now, the anonymity of the city is something to be prized, and so we depend on locks. Perhaps this is a bit negative towards city folk. Honestly, though, I felt safer at home alone when I was 16 and living out in the country than I do now in my not-so-soundproof apartment in a mid-sized city.
In any case, I read a book, and it changed me just a little. That is unusual. My usual book fare is fantasy, something not so very present.

Oh yeah, there was something else. I have an analogy for you. "Keep on the ball." Well, the last two days? I dropped the ball on some sharp objects, and now I have to stop, repair it, and in general live with it until its done. The whole situation is scarily reminiscent of New Orleans, except no car trouble. I lost my braces, and my phone got wet and is shutting itself down. Sigh. Oddly, they are about equal in stress level.

Now, off I go. Balls to patch (maybe I'll just buy a new one).

Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
Yesterday I lived through one day, but thought it was two for a while. Getting up early and keeping going until the very end can do that, I guess. There were classes in the morning, and then the day split around 2pm. There was another class, baking, reading, family grouping, and racquetball. At the end I got very confused for a second, and then realized that this was yet another blog-worthy event. The strangest thing about it all was that I hadn't checked my email at all. That was disconcerting.

In late-breaking (and somewhat embarrassing) news, my older sister's birthday was the 13th of September. Happy Belated Birthday, sis! I'm mailing that card soon, I promise.

See ya'll later,
Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
No, I don't mean the title. It just sounds appropriately pompous and thoughtful. Think Solomon: "All is vanity."

Today was both busy and non-busy. I practiced, had a lesson (either I was really emotional today, or songs have a emotional element I cannot shake), and then three gatherings. The first was knit/crochet, the group's called knit 1, purl 2. Very fun, and productive. The second was a few hours after the first, and I should have done homework, I read and wandered the internet instead. The food was wonderful, and the company just right.
The third event was a welcome back party for study abroad students. I almost didn't go, but realized I would regret it if I didn't. So I went, got a T-shirt, ate more food (absolutely stuffed, and I like Indian dumplings), and came to the realization that I don't want to talk about or really think about my trip as a life event. In fact, I was very resistant to this idea. Why? I don't feel like I capitalized on the experience. Yes, I did lots of stuff with other people, but what did I do on my own?
Perhaps if I had not gone out and enjoyed myself so thoroughly on my last weekend I wouldn't feel this way, but I do. I feel like I chickened out, like a failure, of sorts. But, I can't go and do it over. Even if I did, it wouldn't end up any different. Life is like that. So, resolution for the future: when traveling, explore your surroundings without fear. Wander, find shops that interest you, make new friends. The people kept going on about how we will probably have a readjustment period that we're not expecting. I read the materials you gave us, smart ones. I was and am very happy to be back in the States. Yes, there was a little disorientation, but you told me to expect it!
After all this, I felt out of sorts, and poured it out on my roommate. Friends are good. I cried a wee bit, and we played racquetball and had smoothies instead of doing homework.

Life, she is strange.

On I go. Homework ahoy!

Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
Yesterday was rather adventurous. I played by myself at a wedding (it went extremely well, and the ice cream cake was divine), and then had to fix an interesting mistake in my sister's Ravelympic top. I had switched two stitches and didn't notice until I was six rows past it. Unfortunately, the fixing involved yarn overs, which I had never dealt with before. I tried to fix it by unraveling just the two stitches in question and laddering them back up, but got very frustrated because it just didn't make sense. So, I did something else for a few hours, and a thought occurred to me: What if I compare this mess to the next repeat? I very carefully unraveled the same two stitches of a correct repeat, and what do you know? My mistake had impacted more than just those two stitches that had me angry. In the end (and this is brilliance of the highest order) I unraveled all the stitches impacted and re-knit them using double pointed needles. If I had been rash and frogged all six rows I would have been a) demoralized and b) set back by a whole day's worth of knitting. With this solution I am happy, amazed at my own genius, and I still have 54 rows. This counts, I have a deadline.

I shall go now. My roomie's back in town! We are going to dinner and a movie, I love my life.

Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
I just realized something: I write the same type of stuff I read. 
Reading my brother's blog, something disturbed me, but I didn't/couldn't identify it at the time. It was this: He is a episodic writer. He writes sporadically, with no real connection between his blogs. I write serially, regularly, and with a definite connection flowing through everything: my life.
I love series, this is a defining feature of what I read. It is only rarely that I give one-shots and stand alone stories a whirl. Hmmm. I've already figured out why. Basically, that once I've fallen in like with a character/situation/writer, I don't want it to end. This only seems to work well in book setting, as pulling it off in movie format is extremely hard to do. 
Randomly, this is a stand alone blog, in its way. 

Good day, and glad tidings.
Greeny
deepgreen18: (Default)
Today was fantastic. 
Let us see, I -big breath- shopped at three yarn stores, two of which I had never been to before. The first one I found with no difficulty, the second I went to I bought a zipper at, and at tge third I went in every wrong direction possible before finding it. The upside to getting' lost' is that it was a great part of town with huge, wonderful buildings, so I didn't mind. Then I got there, and it was locked! I looked inside and found the yarn I was searching for. Sigh. Remembering the clamor for visual reminders of my trip, instead of leaving right away, I took a picture of the really colorful sign for the shop. And lo and behold, the owner comes and opens the shop again. I get my yarn, and thank my lucky stars that you all demanded pictures.
After that, I went to "Hancock" (in English), and enjoyed the music so much at the end I was dancing on my way out. As I made my way to the U-bahn entrance on the street, I was happy and content. Then I thought, "When did living in Vienna become normal?" I thought it again as I walked down 'my' street that connects to the apartment. 
When did I get accustomed to this crazy place? This is where I have witnessed three violent drunken outbursts, where it is fashionable to wear tights instead of pants, and where hearing English is as rare as a blue moon. I heard people speaking English twice today, and I spoke to the people the second time. They were students from Florida and...somewhere only staying a couple of days. They seemed impressed by my six weeks. I told them that hearing English "in the wild" here is rare, and it's true. 
I can now mentally read signs with the correct consonant and (mostly) vowel sounds in my head. I started that at the beginning of my trip. 
This is a place of unspoken and spoken rules. Greetings at coming and going in a shop are mandatory, you do not take up two seats in public transport even if you have a giant backpack and a violin, people are on time (the movie started on time, too), and the ice cream is perhaps the best in the world.
What did I do besides all that? Well, I bought two scarves and a shirt. Packed partially, did laundry, and went and had ice cream with everyone who is still here. We went to Zanoni and Zanoni's, which was huge. They are the Walmart of ice cream here, open every day every hour, except the quality is excellent. I want to go to lunch there tomorrow. 
Oh yeah, and I made biscuits not thirty minutes ago. 
I realize that I am getting random, it's 1:22am here,

I think I'll go to bed now.
Greeny

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