![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I don't remember my last post. It was probably two months ago or more. I've been shut down, in a way. Not acknowledging my feelings. Talking would have cracked that a bit. My teacher did that for me, right down the middle. A simple question: "Do you really want to be doing this?"
Simple enough answer: "No." Not like this, not anymore.
This entire semester has been...painful, difficult, not the worst I've ever experienced (reference, if you would, Spring and Summer 2005, and Spring 2009). However, it has been unique. I despise transition. Absolutely f-ing hate change with a passion that echoes through human history. I'm tempted to go find quotes on it...
"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. ~W. Edwards Deming" (Found here. This is my personal favorite, though it is a bit...morbid).
I'm not going to use any others, it would ruin the mood.
Life, to me, is necessary, but to have change be such a big part of it...makes me snarl. And back bite. And generally be unpleasant until it's over (sorry Mom).
Unfortunately for...some people (possibly myself), the process isn't over yet. Hell, at least I feel qualified to make a damn career decision now. This is compared to three years ago. I wasn't, and knew it, but rules are rules. Four years of college (minimum, generally), decide on a major by end of second year. So sayeth the great rules of our academic system. It almost makes me want to cheer for the students in their sixth year of a Bachelors. Most of the time I feel pity, exasperation, and sympathetic exhaustion.
http://www.bls.gov/NLS/nlsfaqs.htm#anch41, Fricking Baby Boomers (Hi, Mom!) held an average of 14 jobs over their lives. Change is constant.
Change sucks.
P.S. (three jobs and counting...)
(1) I've been working for my Dad since I was ten. I've typed out file names, filed; folded papers, glued, and stamped envelopes; and, since 2004 or so, kept the accounts in a semblence of order.
(2) Aborted attempt at cashiering at a water park. So many issues gained in such a short time. (Fear of jobs, fear of getting fired, general phobia regarding the place). To this day I despise the smell of them.
(3) My most successful attempt at solvency to date: teaching music for two years. Was also the bookkeeper for about six months. I kept expecting to get fired, but that feeling stopped, eventually.
I guess, technically, I'm also a freelance musician/teacher, but that's not large enough for me to count yet.
Simple enough answer: "No." Not like this, not anymore.
This entire semester has been...painful, difficult, not the worst I've ever experienced (reference, if you would, Spring and Summer 2005, and Spring 2009). However, it has been unique. I despise transition. Absolutely f-ing hate change with a passion that echoes through human history. I'm tempted to go find quotes on it...
"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. ~W. Edwards Deming" (Found here. This is my personal favorite, though it is a bit...morbid).
I'm not going to use any others, it would ruin the mood.
Life, to me, is necessary, but to have change be such a big part of it...makes me snarl. And back bite. And generally be unpleasant until it's over (sorry Mom).
Unfortunately for...some people (possibly myself), the process isn't over yet. Hell, at least I feel qualified to make a damn career decision now. This is compared to three years ago. I wasn't, and knew it, but rules are rules. Four years of college (minimum, generally), decide on a major by end of second year. So sayeth the great rules of our academic system. It almost makes me want to cheer for the students in their sixth year of a Bachelors. Most of the time I feel pity, exasperation, and sympathetic exhaustion.
http://www.bls.gov/NLS/nlsfaqs.htm#anch41, Fricking Baby Boomers (Hi, Mom!) held an average of 14 jobs over their lives. Change is constant.
Change sucks.
P.S. (three jobs and counting...)
(1) I've been working for my Dad since I was ten. I've typed out file names, filed; folded papers, glued, and stamped envelopes; and, since 2004 or so, kept the accounts in a semblence of order.
(2) Aborted attempt at cashiering at a water park. So many issues gained in such a short time. (Fear of jobs, fear of getting fired, general phobia regarding the place). To this day I despise the smell of them.
(3) My most successful attempt at solvency to date: teaching music for two years. Was also the bookkeeper for about six months. I kept expecting to get fired, but that feeling stopped, eventually.
I guess, technically, I'm also a freelance musician/teacher, but that's not large enough for me to count yet.
