Monthly Rant, beware

It seems most of my journal(s) purpose is to take the brunt of my frustration. Frustration at the world, myself, the other people in it, and stupidity in general. I am PMS-ing, I know this for a fact. I'm sore in odd places, and It makes me cranky in the mornings, exultant, teary, and sad later on. I don't think the Smirnoff I had earlier is helping.

At least I have somewhere to blow off some freaking steam. Yesterday (after I left my purse at a restaurant, joy) I wrote it out along with notes on the orchestra performance I was attending. Very spur-of-the-moment decision, I'm still not sure if it was a good one. The performance was wonderful (eigth blackbird is awesome, as is the Garden of Cosmic Speculation, and its music), but the trip, and the feelings, ehh. I've just felt extremely awkward and willing to cry for the past week, which is why I'm writing. If I can get it out of my system, I'll feel better. The problem with writing down your feelings to mute them, is that you have to know what you are feeling.

Frustration...yep, I almost got my purse back last night, but the concert went long and the station manager had left for the night before I could get there. Apparently (though I don't think I trust the Burger King idiot who said this) I missed him by about 5 minutes. Damn long concert. Also, I was going to go get it today, except my purse contains a good portion of my life, and that includes all my cash, as well as my bank card and checks. Not to mention the bank is fricking closed on Sunday, and tomorrow is MLK day, so no getting cash out of them with a bank statement or utility bill. No phone either, so I can't call the fracking lost and found to find out where they are because, guess what? All they have online is a phone number. Sweet, horrible irony, thy name is Elizabeth traveling.

I misplaced my purse/wallet/keys thrice in Vienna, and I have a slight history of leaving my purse behind (The muskogee mall, at the food court and the dressing rooms, Pizza Hut). I'm not sure I ever wrote that down. So far, I've been lucky enough not to have anything worse happen to me than to lose some money. It can't last, I'm sure, but I'm grateful that some honest person has been there to save me each time. They are the reason I believe in humanity, and always take lost objects to the Lost and Found myself. "Do unto others..." after all.

Oddly, the similarities between my Vienna experiences and this latest trip are what stand out the most to me. I was/am far away from my family, I had/have few friends there/here, and felt alienated because of differences in attire/accessories (I dressed much nicer than the norm in Vienna, slacks and blouses to everyone else's jeans and t-shirts. Yesterday I brought a backpack containing my laptop, sushi, my purse, and knitting to entertain myself, everyone else had purse-size bags at most). At least this time there wasn't a freaking language difference.

Sadness: I miss my family (I want to capitalize that word, but we're not the Mafia, alas), I want to do better in school this time around but old habits are hard to break, though I've been sleeping well this past week, at least. I've been getting unusually tired this past week, but having trouble going to sleep once I'm in bed. Unusual trouble for me. I miss the certainty that I can walk downstairs and play Rockband until someone comes poking around for company. Living alone is not my thing.

I tried to have a sushi party today, but it got derailed by bad planning on my guests part. They were having their own party. They invited me, but I couldn't go thanks to the stupid purse craziness today. I made sushi Friday night, and took it with me to eat at anime club. It was well received by the few I shared it with, and I liked it, too. Today I've been reading fanfiction, interspersed with attempts at planning the retrieval. F$#@ing purse. I want to go to bed now, but don't think I'll sleep. I should try to get money from Walmart anyway. It's so fricking silent right now. Music would be good.